Coming back to Germany and especially to the small town I lived in before brought some fears with it for me. It didn´t feel like I would return ''home'' because at that point Portland, Oregon felt like home for me and it still does. Home isn´t a place. And especially not only one place. It´s a feeling that develops when you surround yourself with people that you love and appreciate and you get the same back. It develops when you start exploring your area and fall in love with the places you discover. Building a social network around you and knowing where to go without directions. Home is a place where you can totally be yourself and feel confident and comfortable with it.
When I started my journey in America I left everything behind and was ready to start a new chapter. Physical obviously but also mentally. It was for sure the best decision of my life to go abroad. Being back in my usual environment makes me realize more and more that I changed. A lot. As a person. Inside and out. And I love that change. It´s like I needed to go away for a while to find myself, to find the person I became. I also feel like that person was always deep inside of me but not showing enough. And now it´s there. It´s like being abroad, completely by myself with new people, new cultures, new experiences and a new environment made me finally started living in way I was always craving to live. Just being myself, not changing for people, in a positive environment where everyone just wants each others best. Where you cheer for each other and not tear each other down. The traveller and Au Pair community as I experienced it was always very supportive and helpful and it´s crazy how in a very short time you connect to people so intensely just because you share the same experience, going through the same things, having a similar mindset.
But how was it now to come back?
I probably started thinking about how it´ll be to come back to Germany when I still had 3 months left in the States. Driving my friends crazy telling them how much I´ll miss them and Oregon and everything about the life in the States. First people started heading back to their home countries, which meant first goodbyes. Realizing more and more that the moment of going back also for me became real. It made me nervous but I completely enjoyed every second I had left travelling and spending quality time with my friends and my host kids. Those two years were full of wonderful moments, new experiences, amazing people but also some difficult times which probably made me grew the most.
After lots of tears and the last goodbyes (and almost missing my plane), I sat in the plane back to Germany. A chaos of emotions. Feeling very sad to leave but also very grateful for all the unforgettable experiences and friends for a lifetime. When I arrived at my final destination I felt empty and tired. Where are all the open and talkative people? Why does nobody ask me how I am doing today? It´s a different culture with a different mentality. And that is okay. It would be boring if we wouldn´t have those differences between nations. That´s what makes it interesting and worth traveling around and getting to know different cultures.
Besides that everything felt really really small and it´s like coming back and nothing changed and kinda as if everything was just a dream. It´s also exciting though to now see the area and people I grew up with, with different eyes. Plus, seeing the pure joy and happiness, especially in my mom that I am back is priceless. Life goes on and a new chapter is starting. It´s not a straight road and you never know where life will take you and what opportunity could just be around the corner. That´s what makes it so exciting.
